10 Random Throughts

2007-09-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

1. It should be okay for the President of Iran to lay a wreath at Ground Zero. It should also be okay for the President of the United States to take a crap on the President of Iran's face.

2. The U.S. President probably thinks that sort of thing is customary, anyway.

3. God should have made our knees bend the other way. The same goes for our elbows. That way, we could run real fast on all fours.

4. Black babies look like little, leather muppets until they're about a year old. After that, they look normal. (It's okay, my black friend said I could say that, and he speaks for all black people.)

Cool Ass Muppet

5. If I had no arms, I wouldnt bother wearing deodorant.

6. If you give a fish, he eats for a day. If you teach a kid to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Conversely, If you blow smoke in a kids face, he ingests second-hand smoke for a day. If you teach a kid to smoke, he smokes for a lifetime... A WHOLE FREAKING, NON-SHORTENED LIFETIME!

7. Not even Jessica Alba could save Dane Cook from sucking cock.

8. The horrible appearances of penises and vaginas are proof that God has a sense of humor.

9. Penises and Vaginas seems like a good label for this post.

10. Sara Silverman's nostrils are the gateway to another, unfunny universe.

SAVE MYSPACE

2007-06-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

It's no secret. Myspace is under the attack of horrible, crippling forces. The once super-popular social website has survived wave after wave stalkers, pedophiles and downright sickos. However, it is now rapidly losing its internet strength, thanks to the attacks of a new wave of enemy forces. My hopes are that the following blog will bring light to these enemies and attacks, and will allow us to combat them successfully.

ENEMY 1: STUPID VIDEO POSTERS

People who post shit like this and think it's hilarious need to off themselves. Also, people who watch shit like this and find it funny should be neutered and spaded. Please don't reproduce.

Dry Hump
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For the 'tards out there who are thinking, "Well you watched this, Izzy. That means you deserve to be neutered and spaded too. Haha *fart*," no, I didn't watch this. I merely typed the phrase "dry hump" into the video search engine on myspace, because I knew such a phrase would provide me a plethora of examples to further my case. Help the world in its practice of eugenics by offing these people before they breed.

ENEMY 2: sTupID PEopLE wHo PoST LIkE THiS

If you can't figure out how to keep your fingers from spazzing onto the shift key, stop typing and get some help for your shakes.

(Michael J. Fox knows better than to post on MySpace)

If you don't have a crippling ailment and type like this for fun then... Don't bother reading. You probably don't understand any of this anyways, because iT'S NoT TYpeD LiKE THiS.

ENEMY 3: StEWpiD pEePLe WhO Be TyPIn LiK DiS

Enemy 2 and enemy 3 have many similarities. The difference? Enemy 3 is most likely a 14 year old girl trying to impress 20+ year old enemy 2. People like this make me wish I was dyslexic. I'm not gonna bother explaining anything more about 2 or 3, because they either annoy or bore the shit out of me.

ENEMY 4: PORNBOTS!

I fucking hate these things with a passion! If you've been on myspace for a time frame over 5 minutes, then it's guaranteed that you've already received 345,324,221 messages from Allisons, Michelles, Candys, Lisas, etc. looking for "new friends" in "your area." Then you click on their pages and find that they all have the same and are advertising the same web cam page. Pornbots out number real people 56 to 1, and soon that will spill into real life. How would you like to be sitting at the breakfast table, only to realize that your mom was a pornbot, using your cereal to hock a webcam site that's filmed by the 80 year old man next door?! And no, pornbot, I don't wanna fack on your webcam.

ENEMY 5:

Seriously, why would you do this?

ENEMY 6: CRAZY MILFS

(Indoors+Shades+No Clothes+Camera+Kid=Stupid Girl)

Again, I know there are some retards out there thinking, "You're a fag, Izzy! Why are you hating on the milfs?" Why?! Check out the kid in the back who has to take pics of his mom in her underwear. That kid will eventually grow up, and you know what he'll become? A FUCKING PORNBOT! That's right, a fucking pornbot. Then we'll have to deal with these myspace horrors in real life. Thanks alot, stupid milfs!

SUPER HAPPY FUNTIME VARIETY HOUR!

10 Random Throughts

SAVE MYSPACE